Madam Moo-Moo

“What you did this morning is evil,” Madam Moo-Moo said to me after I’d been sitting across from her for not even a minute. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” I asked. I had never been to a fortune teller before, but someone had given me a gift certificate to see her, so there I was. I already regretted it.

She took several long sniffs, as if she was having some sort of freaky reverse-allergy attack. “I can smell it on you. Pure evil! It is the devil’s work!”

I looked across the tiny table at the woman whose sanity I was beginning to question. If I had to guess how old she was, I’d have said between thirty-five and forty. From her neck down, she was dressed in a nice, expensive-looking black dress. From the neck up was a different story. Her face was beautiful, but I was distracted by several other things. First of all, she was wearing the longest, widest, and ugliest earrings I’d ever seen. They were red and green and they looked like they should be hanging on a Christmas tree rather than on a human being.

“They are not tree ornaments and they are not ugly,” she said. “Madam Moo-Moo wears only the best earrings!”

Whoah. How had she known what I’d been thinking? I had heard she could tell fortunes, but I didn’t know she could also read minds.

“Your earrings are very nice,” I said. “I also love your blindfold.” I was lying about the earrings, but I really did like the bandana that was covering her eyes. It was black and it was covered with dozens of pictures of bright, yellow bananas.

“Thank you. My banana bandana was custom-made just for me. No one loves bananas more than Madam Moo-Moo.”

I thought of something I wanted to say in reply, but I didn’t think it would go over well, so I stopped myself. Of course, Madam Moo-Moo somehow noticed this.

“Go ahead and say it,” she said in a voice that sounded very impatient. “Say what you want to say about my banana bandana.”

I hesitated for a few seconds and then I let it out. “I just wanted to say that I find your banana bandana to be very appealing. Get it? Bananas. A-peeling.”

“Yes, yes. People peel bananas. I get it.” She threw up her arms in exasperation. “Can we please move on now? I must tell you your future.”

“I’m anxious to hear it, but first can you tell me what you meant about smelling the devil’s work on me?”

“That is what I said. It is evil and it is all over your tie!”

I looked down at my tie and saw a small brown stain on it and laughed. “No, no. It’s nothing, Madam Moo-Moo. I just spilled a cup of coffee on it this morning. That’s all.”

“It was decaf coffee. The gods of coffee do not wish us to drink decaf coffee!” She then quickly yanked her banana bandana off her face. She stared at me with green eyes that were a shade of green I swear I’ve never seen before. There are few absolutely perfect things in this world, but her eyes definitely fit into that category. She both mesmerized me and terrified me.

“You’re right,” I said. “From now on, it’s just going to be regular coffee for me. I promise.”

“Good. Now we can move on and talk about you finding true love on the plane trip you are about to take.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I said. “It’s just a business trip. I’m flying to Paris tonight and then I’ll be flying back in just a few days. There won’t be any time for romance.”

She laughed at me. “A lot can happen on a long flight. Also, a lot can happen in Paris. You will see. It will be true love. You will be with the one you have been searching for.”

I thought what she was saying was ridiculous and it was a struggle to not laugh in her face. There was no way she could be right. I politely thanked her for the ‘fortune’ she’d given me and I left.

Hours later, I was at the airport and waiting in line to board my plane. My mind kept flashing back to my session with Madam Moo-Moo. Could there be any chance that she was actually right? Was I about to find my true love? Yes, Madam Moo-Moo was a bit crazy, but she really did seem to know some things.

I started to get lost in those kinds of thoughts, but then I was distracted by the woman in line in front of me dropping her plane ticket onto the floor. I knelt down to pick it up for her.

As I reached for the ticket, something else dropped to the floor next to me. It was a black bandana covered with little drawings of bananas. I looked up at the woman who had dropped it and the ticket and saw that it was Madam Moo-Moo. She smiled at me as I handed her the banana bandana.

“Thank you. We should get started. A lot can happen on a long flight, you know. And a lot can happen in Paris. Come now. It is what we have both been searching for. I think we will both find it to be very…” She waved her bandana above my head and then smiled. “Very appealing.”




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