Spoof Review: Creole Mustard

My mock review of Creole Mustard that I posted on Amazon.com awhile back…

Mustard

I’ll tell you, this stuff is so good that you don’t even need to put it on food to enjoy it. It’s a meal all by itself.

I go through 7 (sometimes 7 and a half) jars of it each week. One of my friends suggested that I give it up for Lent this year, but that was just crazy talk. Give up my Creole mustard? That would have been like giving up water.

A word of caution though: don’t feed this stuff to your pets – especially goldfish. I won’t go into specific details, but I had VERY bad results when I did that.

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Spoof Review: Invisibility & Levitation

I’m starting a new feature here called SPOOF REVIEWS. Many years ago, when I had entirely too much time on my hands, I used to go to Amazon.com and write “spoof” reviews for books, albums, movies, household products, etc.

Basically, the reviews were written to look real, but it was just me being a smartass.

They were fun to do and I’m going to share some of them here. I’ll also be writing some new ones soon.

First up, my review of a book called INVISIBILITY & LEVITATION: HOW-TO KEYS TO PERSONAL PERFORMANCE.

invis

I loved this book! After reading it, I became a master of both invisibility and levitation.

However, I’ve found that the two things sometimes don’t go hand in hand very well together.

If I’m just invisible and not levitating, or just levitating while I’m not invisible, I’m perfectly fine.

My problem is when I’m trying to levitate while I’m invisible.

When you’re invisible, your depth perception gets all messed up and it can become a potentially dangerous situation.

For example, the other day I was invisible and levitating several feet up in the air so I could watch my neighbor as she sunbathed in the nude. I got high up enough to get a good view, but because I was invisible and my depth perception was messed up, I underestimated the height which I could levitate and I ended up banging my head on a tree limb. I then fell to the ground.

As you all know, sudden shocks like that to the body will make your invisibility wear off. Imagine my embarrasment when my neighbor saw me lying there naked on the ground. I was mortified (and she wasn’t real happy either!)

This is a great book but it would have been better if it covered everyday situations like that.